The bulk of these thoughts have been focused around my career decisions. I catch a lot of flack, from co-workers and customers, working at Kroger, and I repeat to myself that this is only a temporary job. This is not a career. It's in those moments that I'm feeling down that I think about what it is that I want from a job. I've often heard that when you find work that's something that you want to do, it no longer feels like work. Obviously, I don't care to wash dishes and slice deli meats - that stuff feels like work. So what doesn't? Writing (when I'm on a hot streak - even when I'm not, it's still good), singing (during performances - rehearsal is sometimes work), generally being creative.
I'm not sure that I can incorporate much of that into a career in software engineering. I think I can, but unfortunately only time will tell.
I briefly returned to thoughts of teaching, perhaps teaching creative writing, at the college level. Of course, I'm elementary certified, so according to administrators and such, I don't know the first thing about teaching writing to older students (high school and college age kids). I will admit that I still have a good deal to learn, and in order for me to learn those things, I would have to greatly alter my course schedule, cause a bunch of people a bunch of headaches and generally be a pain in the ass. I mean, I'm 33 years old. Aren't I supposed to know what I want to do with my life by now?
One thing that I do know is the way that I treat tasks that i enjoy once they become required tasks. Once I feel like I'm doing something that I have to do instead of something that I want to do, I sour. The band started out great but eventually turned out that way. I always enjoyed it, but the other guys started opening up to me about how much they needed my vocal talents, how this was probably their "last shot" and so forth. Putting that kind of a burden on someone, telling them that they are necessary to the fulfillment of their dreams, is unfair (unless you're marrying that person or something, but the inherent nature of that relationship is different). Once I felt the removal of choice in the equation (mostly due to a desire to be selfless and helpful when it's in my power to do so) I started dreading practice. Maybe that makes me a selfish, spoiled brat, I don't know. I just know that my ultimate happiness lies in my ability to exercise choice.
Now does this mean that my attitude will keep me from ever working in a field I enjoy? No, I don't think so. It just means that I need to choose carefully and find something that I really want to do.
Think there's any money for an average-looking guy in watching movies, writing, singing and playing games?
Yeah, I didn't think so either.
Until next time,
Joel
nataliedee.com
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